mTV Tamora Pierce style
by stormgirl13
Summary: It's all your favorite mTV shows...Tamora Pierce style. LOL, just really random mostly.
1. Summary

**This is mTV Tamora Pierce style. So basically, its just completely random and funfun... :)**

**each chapter will be a diff episode.Thanks to the anon review from "Me" suggesting I add Sweet 16 . I did , YAY me, and YAY everybody who reviews. SO ok, go ahead, read and review. Also, thanks to MyLadyTopaz we have Jackass added and thanks to me we're adding a talent show. :)  
**

Parental Control:

Daine's mom and dad come down from the realm of the gods because they don't approve of Numair. So they have their two alternatives, a motorcycle dude from our time (Dad's pick) and Jesus Christ (mom's pick.

MADE:

Jonathan would like to learn how to be a cross-dresser. How will it work out? And what are Thayet and Alanna gonna think?

The Real World:

Daine, Numair, Sandry, Briar, and Daja are stuck together in a house constantly videotaped for 2 weeks. What will happen?

Pimp My Ride:

Aly isn't satisfied with her new boat. She's convinced it needs ...something...

Yo Momma:

Jonathan vs. George in this trash talking competition! And even better, set when they were both in love with Alanna, just to add some personal motivation.

Sweet 16:

Varice's Sweet 16...did her parents go a little TOO over the top??

Jackass:

See Jonathan, George, Neal, Numair, and various other tortallan guys in this remake. ) haha

Talent Show:

Not based on anything. Everybody in the previous shows will be in this one. And ...as a special treat, guess what Jonathan sings?


	2. Parental Control 1

**Parental Control, episode 1:**

_Mom, Dad, and Numair are sitting on a couch watching Daine and motorcycle dude, Jamie, go on their date._

Daine: Wow! Whats this (pointing to motorcycle)?

Jamie: You wanna see, babe?

Daine: Sure.

Jamie: Jump on back, and we'll go for a ride.

(Daine and Jamie go cruising through the countryside. Daine is screaming with joy, and Jamie has a satisfied grin on his face.)

_Back at the house_

Dad: haHA. I knew my choice would be a success. Look how much fun she's having.

Numair: No. Freaking. Way. Oh, sorry , pardon the freaking, I meant No. Random Polite Word. Way. She's screaming in terror. And look at how everybody's looking at her on that thing. She must be SO embarrased.

Dad and Mom: Daine? Embarrassed? Shows how much YOU know about her.

_On bike with Jamie and Daine_

(Danny Phantom comes cruising out of the sky)

Danny: Hey, motorcycle dude over there? Are you like some kinda ghost from the future? Cuz, if you are, Im gonna have to zap you with this huge ectoplasmic gun right here.

Jamie: Dude, no way, that one hunting god brought me here.

Danny: Oh, DARN. I need to burn some calories with a good ghost-hunting session. Im getting a little chubby here.

(I appear)

Me: Danny, just get out of my TV show, ok? BYEEE!!

(Danny cruises out, I dissapear)

Jamie: Well that was weird

Daine: Yeah

Daine: Um, have you heard about Jack the hunter?

Jamie: Nope, babe, have you heard about Britney Spears?

Daine: Nope

Jamie: Wow

Daine: ...

Jamie: ...

Daine:...

Jamie: ...

Daine: ...

Jamie: ...

Daine: Well, I guess the date's over, time to go home ( a very fake smile on her face) I LOVE your motorcycle though.

_Back at the house_

Numair: See? HA! She thinks hes boring.

(Dad and Mom are silent)

**Commercial Break**

Buy our all new motorola moron! One moron for the all new and improved price of a windex times Sally

The Medieval Times... Is it time to renew your subscription? (Pictures of hot girls and guys making out) You can be like them if you subscribe!!!!!!!

Warning: results not guaranteed.

Look Everybody Loves Our Calorie Bars!! Looking to gain weight? Test Subjects gained 1000 pounds in under two Hours!!!!!!!!

**Commercial Break over**

To be continued...next episode, find out what Daine's date with Jesus Christ is like. Who will she pick?

**Please review! I'll give brownies and hot chocolate to anyone who reviews!!**


	3. Parental Control 2

**Im sorry. The brownie and hot chocolate truck got into an accident. So I cant give brownies nd hot choc to the peeps who reviewed. AAAAAAAAAahhhhhhhh don't kill me please!!**

_italics_thinking

So, Daine is now on her date with Jesus Christ, her mom's choice.

Jesus: Hello, my fondest regards to you.

Daine: Uhmm... well. How are you?

Jesus: As the saviour of the world, I would say not excellent. The world is not, lets say, being very religiously cooperative. But as Maddo...i mean jesus, very good, thank you. Oh, and by the passing, you may call me Jeez. Its my nickname.

Daine: Okaaayyyy...Jeez. Um, it seems this may be an issue, so , are you okay with the fact that my dads a god and my moms a goddess? Seeing as you only believe in one god and all.

Jesus: Yes, I've been talking to your parents, trying to convince them to convert to the one True Religion.

Daine: Like True Religion jeans?

Jesus: No, like Christianity. But they refused. They said it wouldn't work, because if they converted, then they wouldn't exist anymore. But, I hope that by getting closer to you I can work on them some more, sweetie.

Daine: So let me get this straight? You're only doing this so you can "work on" my parents some more?

Jesus: Basically, yeah...WAIT!!! YOU TRICKED ME!!! I didnt mean it that way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you yourso hot lalalal lots of compliments!!!!

(A wicked smile spreads over Daine's face)

Daine: Hey, Jesus,

Jesus: Really, call me Jeez, please. Im trying to project a "laid-back" image

Daine: _Well, he'll certainly be laid back by the time im done with him. Muahahahahha._ So, how about we go to the local bar, the BlueMedievalMood?

Jesus: That sounds great.

Daine: Kay, lets go.

(They walk to the BlueMedievalMood bar, Jesus's long off-white robes flowing.)

(When they get there, Jesus attempts to pay the bouncer with a flask of wine that keeps refilling. The bouncer refuses. Daine sighs and pays for both of them. They go in. Jesus ends up dancing on a table. Apparently, he's not very good at holding his liquour.)

(Daine carries Jesus out)

Daine: Date's over, Jeez. By the way, who are your parents anyway?

Jesus: Angelina Jolie, and Brad Pitt.

Daine: Wait? So your not really Jesus Christ?

Jesus: Nope. Thats just my nickname. Rebellious, and all that, u know?

(They walk back to the house)

_Back at the house_

Numair: Well Ya gotta admit that was lame!!

(Dad and Mom have no comment)

(Jesus and Daine walk in the room)

**Commercial Break**

Get the new Motorola Razr portable magic transmocumunnicationable divice! A PMTD!! Don't you want one!! For the LOW LOW (picture of kids doing the limbo) price of 60,000,000 guinea pigs!!

Do you wanna fake your date into thinking you have The Gift?? Well now you can with the new MAGIC FAKER!!!

**Next part will show who Daine picks...I wonder??**

**PLEASE REVIEW!! Thank you wonderful peoples :)**


	4. Parental Control 3

Daine walks out into the room. She looks around. Her parents are on either side of her and Numair, Jesus, and Jamie are standing in a row in front of her.

Daine: Well, I'm sorry, but I have to eliminate one of you. It was a really REALLY hard choice...NOT just kidding. It was really easy.. Hahaha. Im eliminating Jamie. You weren't really worse than the other guys, we just don't have ANYTHING in common. Also, the whole across time relationship thing probably wouldnt work out anyway. At least not in the longterm.

Jamie: Hey, dudes, babes, its ok. I'll just go with the flow (looking at Daine's dad), Hey, dude, where's the timeshuttle thingermabobi?

(Daine's dad shows him out)

Daine: Ok. Well . Now , Jesus, I'm afraid im gonna have to eliminate you. Because, though your pretty cool when your drunk, you're really uptight when you're not, and even though I could have you drunk all the time, you don't shave. Bye.

Jesus: Well, I guess ill go do some converting. Preferably with a hot babe.

Daine: And Numair, I'll keep you ...as long as you PROMISE not to be so deathly BORING AND POLITE...OK????

Numair : (smiles) got it.

**I hope everybody liked that ) now...which show should I do next...?**


	5. Made 1

1**Warning! If you will be offended by George Bush jokes; dont read this episode!**

Made:

Day One:

CM is Crew of Made, J is Jonathan, GB is George Bush.

CM : So, Jonathan, youve asked to be MADE into a cross dresser, right?

J: Yea, thats right.

CM: Well, looks like weve got our work cut out for us. Jon, youre a straight, white, married man, who also happens to be King of Tortall, and you want to be MADE into a cross-dresser, right?

J: Right

CM: Riight. Okaayy then. First well take you to your trainer, a former...and current cross-dresser.

(They walk over to a building that looks, surprisingly, like the White House.)

CM: Id like to introduce you to one of the best, most famous cross-dressers in the UNIVERSE...George W.Bush!!

(Fake applause)

(GB comes out in a violent shade of puce. The dress is corseted, and makes him appear to have an hour-glass figure. On his face, he has dark red lipstick, concealer, puce colored eyeshadow, and blue mascara. All in all, VERY interesting.)

GB: My young apprentice. You have much to learn from me. Come this way.

(George Bush and Jon exit through light purple velour curtains.)

(I appear)

Me: Oh. George Bush and Jonathan of Conte. What an...interesting...pair they make.

( I see people staring at me)

Me: oops. Oh, sorry. Bye!

(I disappear)

(Behind curtains)

GB: Jonathan. So are you Democratic or Republican?

J: Demo-

GB: Sorry, cant help you

J: Republican of course!!

GB: OK. First, you kinda need a figure. Heres a new corset I bought recently. It SHOULD fit you!!

J: Kaaayyy _I guess I DID want to do this!_

GB: Undress, citizen

J: Hey, no way dude, are you like, GAY?

GB: Well, Im married

J: That was NOT my question. Are you GAY ?

GB: Well...yes...DONT FREAKING TELL ANYONE!!!!!!

J: Okay. Wheres the bathroom?

(I appear)

Me: Jon, those arent invented yet. Also, the words Dude, and gay, arent invented yet. So, he can use them, but not you. Got it?

J: FINE. Can I at least say...rainbow for gay ?

Me: Sure. Byee

(I disappear again)

**Commercial Break**

Wish you could be like me? (picture of dirt) Well, with new TNT explode-o-rama, you can become a grain of sand (or a quite a dirt!! For a cheap, cheap price of $30 and probably your life, you too can be a beta tester for our product! Health risks may includes allergic reactions, rashes, bloatedness, loss of limbs, and in most cases, death.


	6. Made 2

**Yes, there will be a Sweet 16 episode :) eventually. Anyways..continuing...**

Jon: So...you're...rainbow. Um. Thats nice. Now lets move on, kay.

GB: Kay. So, corset time. My..gorgeous assistant, winks to a cute guy over to the side who I can't convince to become gay, will help you into it.

J: (as corset laces are tyed) gag gah gaaaaaaahh hahhaaaaaaaaaaahhhh aahhh ahahahhaha that tickles! OWWW that hurts ah ah ah.. Cant brea the no breath left dying slowly slowly. (Faints) dead.

GB: Get up, wimp. It takes courage and strength to dress like a girl!

J: Sure. Aren't GIRLS the wimps though?

GB: NO! They go through this EVERY day silly. They're MUCH stronger than us.

J: (staring at his outfit) I completely believe you.

GB: OK, now pick a dress.

(Jonathan picks a floral dress. It has bright oarnge flowers on a puke green background. It looks like something your gramma would wear, only about 1000 times worse. In a word : hideous)

GB: Wow. You have worse taste than me.

CG (cute guy assistant) : How bout this?

(He pulls out a georgeous dark green silk dress. Simple, elegant, Chanel or Armani, definitely. Floor-length, looks like something a famous older actress would wear to the oscars. Its AMAZING)

( I appear)

Me: Hey, CG, can I have that when the show's over...wait...of COURSE I can. I invented it, so I can have it...MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!

(I dissapear)

J: That looks nice

( CG helps J into the dress. When he's in, WOW he looks almost like a woman. ALMOST.)

GB: You need make-up and shoes. looks around furtively (whispers) don't tell ANYONE but...I have a pair of Manolo Blahniks that might fit you.

J: Why shouldnt I tell anyone you have a pair of Manolo Blahniks that might fit me?

(A swarm of people appear out of nowhere and drown GB and J in a mob "WHERE ARE THE MANOLO BLAHNIKS WHERE ARE THE MANOLO BLAHNIKS??????????")

GB: THATS WHY!!

(J dusts himself off)

J: I see. So where are they?

(GB brings out some silver-white heels from the closet. Gorgeous, but you knew that. After all, they ARE Manolo Blahniks...LOL)

**Commercial Break **

Some shoes made out of mud-pies!! You know you want it!! Made by amazing artist child prodigy...4-year-old VICTORIA KENNEDY!!! (Picture of beautiful girl wearing mud-clogs) YOU CAN LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HER WEARING THESE SHOES!!!!!!!!

Warning: Results not guaranteed

**and for next time...JONS MAKEUP lol...**


	7. Made 3

**Hey, peeps, no pressure or anything but if u need something to read, I recommend Shariya by Jadegreen212. It's kinda depressing but its REALLY well-written )**

(We see Jonathan sitting in a swivel chair in front of a mirror with George Bush on one side of him and Cute Guy on the other. )

CG: So, my idea is maybe, some smoky grey-purple eyeshadow and vivid, dark red lipstick. Also, creamy foundation to cover your skin and you could probably pull off blue mascara as well.

GB: Well, TOO BAD. My idea is some bright pink eyeshadow and pale pink lipstick. Also...hmmm...I'm thinking brown mascara.

J: Well, George

GB: Call me BUSH!

J: Okaay! Wow, you're uptight , Bush, anyways I kind of like Bush's design. It's really well, more, me.

(I appear)

Me: Not unless YOU is a cross-dressing white guy with absolutely NO sense of style who WANTS to look ugly. Pick Cute Guy's design, DUH! Oh, and Cute Guy, your name is kind of awkward, not that that's your fault. Your new name is...ummm...Michael!

(I disappear)

J: I still kinda like Bush's design. No offense, Michael.

(I appear AGAIN)

Me: Oh my GOD. Do you WANT to be ugly?

( I disappear)

M(michael): Bush's design it is then.

(Michael goes to work on Jonathan)

M: First, concealer. You have nice skin, besides the stubble, inflamed acne, sunburn, eczema, chappedness, flakiness, and leprosy! So, I'll just put about a pound of concealer all over.

(He applies concealer until Jon's face is just a sticky mass of off-white)

M: Now we just wait for it to dry! Then it will look perfectamundo

J: No freaking WAY will it look "perfectamundo"

M: Believe it or not, it actually will.

J: Suuure

(The concealer dries, surprisingly nicely into a sort of smooth, cream-colored mask over Jonathan's face)

(Michael begins to make up Jonathan's eyes.)

M: Now I'm going to make-up your eyes. First...are you SURE you want bright PINK eyeshadow?

J: YES! Get off my back about that already!

M: OK OK! No offense meant.

(Michael smears pink eyeshadow on Jonathan's eyelids. He looks surprisingly like a dark-haired barbie...with pink eyeshadow...eew ..BARF TIME!)

(Michael now begins to apply brown mascara. Ag. Jon should totally be wearing black or blue with his complexion and hair color!)

M: Stop TWITCHING!

J: Sorry sorry.

M: We DEFINITELY need to pluck your eyebrows.

J: (whimpers)

(Michael begins to pluck)

J: AAAHH AAAAHH AAAH EEE AHHH OH GOD AAAH NOO AAHHH PLEEAAASSE AAAAhHH FFREEAAAKKING AAAAAHHH STOOOOPP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

(Michael stops)

M: You know , I really am not sure you're tough enough to dress as a girl...

J: No NO I'm tough enough!

(Michael continues. Jonathan whimpers, but keeps himself under control)

M: Okay.This should be easy, its just lipstick. Again, I ask you, are you SURE you want pale pink? 

J: Yes!! Like I said, STOP bothering me about that.

M: Okay, ok fine.

(Michael applies the pink lipstick. George W. Bush then comes over and places a frizzy blond wig on J's head)

CM (Crew of Made): Good job, Michael and George W. Bush. Now, we need to bring Jonathan to the judges.

(Jonathan walks through the lavender curtain. Thayet and Alanna are sitting in the auditorium.)

(Alanna walks up onto the stage and kicks Jonathan in the nuts . As he doubles over she says.)

Alanna: Jon, you have just lost the little bit of respect I had for you. But...you look...HILARIOUS!

(She walks off laughing)

(Thayet walks up)

Thayet: I will now divorce you unless you do the following.

1. Get out of those clothes and make-up IMMEDIATELY, I cant have a husband that looks PRETTY! Stick to handsome Jon, okay? And 2. Give me complete and full control of the kingdom!

J: OK OK!!! Just don't leave me (he sobs)

**Commercial Break**

Do you wish you were like Britney Spears? You know her famous initials right? BS? You can take a step closer to being like her with our name changing machine.

Bitsi Soon (a happy customer)

- Now my initials are B.S. too!!!

**K guys..whadja think??? (by the way, that's code for, REVIEW!!! ) please. Thanks. And what show should I do next??**


	8. Next 1

**This is gonna be NEXT, I know it wasn't in the summary, but I just got an awesome idea for..Alanna, lol. evil laugh**

(Alanna is standing outside a hotel in Manhattan. The NEXT bus pulls up. We zoom inside. In a row are sitting, Thomas (darkish brown hair, blue eyes, super thin. Kinda hot if you like the artist type.), Keenan (Blond, 6 feet, average, blue eyes.), Michael (Brown eyes, almost-black hair, looks like he hasn't shaved in a while.), Dennis (Blond hair, blondybrownybluey eyes, tan skin.), and Chris, (black hair, black eyes, pale skin, tall.) )

Dennis: I'm so winning. You guys are all so fugly I could throw up.

Me: And what about you? You're so fugly I could throw up.

All guys: What are you doing here?

Me: Oops.

(I disappear)

Thomas: Wish me luck guys!

(He walks out to Alanna)

(We follow him)

Alanna: Hey.

Thomas: Hi. So, what are we doing today?

Alanna: well, YOU are going to be testing your devotion to me! Would you risk embarrasment for me?

Thomas: Depends...

Alanna: NEXT!!!!!!!!!

(Thomas walks in , the guys laugh)

Keenan: Well, YOU didn't last very long (laughing)

Thomas: Hey, guys, this girl is TOUGH! God, I like, say depends, and she's like NEXT! Just warning you. I pick Michael.

Michael: Oh, god, here I go.

(Michael walks out)

Alanna: NEXT!!!

Michael: What the hell? What did I do?

Alanna: Go shave.

(Michael walks in to where the guys are laughing uproariously.)

Michael: Just shut up, Chris, your turn.

(Chris walks out)

Alanna: Hey.

Chris: Hey.

Alanna: Okay, so here's the question, would you risk extreme embarassment for me?

Chris: Of course, babe.

Alanna : (looks him up and down) okay, this is what you do. First, we drive to the Rockefeller center, then you strip, and jump onto the ice-rink, then you walk across it, climb out, say hi to the mayor, and come back to me.

Chris: Okayy...(he thinks : well, I live in Seattle, so I guess its okay...)

Alanna: Great! Let's get in the car...


	9. Next 2

Chris: Ok, so ... what do you want me to do exactly?

Alanna: ok, I can tell you're not exactly the brightest one in the bunch, but I guess you'll have to do. First, strip down to your boxers.

(Chris strips, but, oops! He's wearing a thong. Hmmm...very interesting.)

Alanna: Umm...Chris?

Chris: Yea?

Alanna: NEXT!

( We zoom back to the NEXT bus. Chris walks in and shrugs.)

Chris: Guess she didn't like my style.

(Dennis gets up. )

Dennis: Now, I'm gonna get at least 60 dollars for this. Oh yea.

(Dennis walks out of the bus. He strikes a pose..and some facts come up next to him...

...Dennis K...

...Likes to listen to Fergalicious and My Humps...over and over again...

...Washes his underwear in chocolate sauce...

...Is a "playa" by his definition but has never had a girlfriend...

(He walks up to Alanna, she looks him up and down and an evil grin comes over her face...)


	10. Next 3

Alanna: So, you're gonna go through a trial to test your devotion to me. First, go inside that dressing room and change into the outfit inside of it.

Dennis: okaay, I guess.

(Dennis walks out of the dressing room in hot pink boxers and flippers and fairy wings. The cab takes them too the Rockefeller center.)

Alanna: Ok, now have fun sitting on your butt and moving yourself around the Ice Rink. If you don't get all the way around...NEXT!!

Dennis: whatev (cartman style)

(Dennis goes on the ice and starts scooting around. Everybody is staring...I mean, picture it, a half-naked guy scooting around an ice rink in flippers and fairy wings..get real, YOU would stare. Soon, the press come. The New York Times, People, everybody. Alanna is unrestrainedly laughing. About half way across, Dennis jumps up...)

Dennis: You fudging, freaking, fucking bitch! Your mother's a bell! Fuck this is fucking fuck ing cold!! Dammit, Shit fuck fuck, I am so out of here..ouch.(staring up at the sky filled with press) Me mommy gonna kick me butt!

Alanna: Hey , Dennis (Dennis looks up) NEXT!!!

Dennis: YEA , bitch!


	11. Next 4

(Alanna has "NEXTED" all but two guys.)

(On the NEXT bus, Dennis comes in)

Dennis: Dudes, that chick has some CRAZY shit going on in her head. Wallace, you're next.

(A thick, blond, ogre-ish guy walks off the NEXT bus. He pauses with his finger up his nose.)

Wallace Emersog:

Hobbies- picking his nose and eating baked beans

Why he's the best guy: Uhhh..I be a big guy!

His favorite book: book? what a book be?

His favorite movie- uhhn. RANDOM VIOLENCE VOLUME 5 SAGA OF THE KILLING PEOPLES

(I appear, make barfing sounds.)

Me: Eew. sorry, Emersog or whatever the heck i named you but barf

(I disappear)

(Emersog, with a thick, borish smile on his face zeroes in on Alanna. She hides a laugh with her hand and then gets a devilish

glint in her eyes.)

Alanna: So, here's your test.

(She turns and breaks down laughing.)

Alanna: ok, um your test is, a helicopter will put you down wherever you live...where is that?

Wallace: A block...away...

Alanna: sighs ok, so a car will bring you over there, and if you don't get back here in 5 minutes...NEXT!

(from Wallace's view point)

Wallace thinking: ooh...nice car...it move, and bring me home...hmmm...why? OH! must find pretty lady!

(he runs lumberingly towards the car that is going back to the NEXT bus)Wallace thinking: must find pretty lady...must find prett...i smell something..OH! it is a sweet something... IT IS CANDY!! Must find candy...must find candy NOW(Wallace walks into a candyshop and starts stuffing candy in his mouth. The police come and drag him away. We go back to the NEXT 

bus.) 

Alanna: Oh well, guess it's been 5 minutes. NEXT...even though he's not here to hear it. 

(Austin walks out of the NEXT bus and poses with his non-existent muscles flexed.)

Austin Cox:

What kind of girl he likes: the skinny kind

Hobbies: Beating up Kluegel and hangin with his friends

Hates: Gay people

(he walks toward Alanna.)

Alanna: So, you like "hangin" with your friends, right?

Austin: For sure

Alanna: then, go hang!

(She points to a pull-up bar. Austin walks up to it and starts to hang by the arms from it.) Alanna walks over to him.)

Alanna: So, whaddaya like to do in your spare time?

Austin: talk about how gay Bill Kluegel is...

(Alanna interrupts)

Alanna: You're a one to dis gay people...I'm getting a definite feeling of undecidedness from you..

Austin: Me? Gay? No freaking way!

Alanna: See! poetry and armpits...gay no freaking way? no one but a gay guy would say that.

Austin: Armpits!!??

Alanna: (matter-of-factly) you're wearing FLOWER deodorant! Also,

(she digs into her pocket and pulled out a blue motorola razr phone. She scanned him with a laser beam. It beeped and she looked

at the screen closely.)

Alanna: Austin?

Austin: yea?

Alanna: You test 150 gay! Thats over the legal limit!

Austin: well, fuck this (he drops off the bar)

Alanna: NEXT

(oh looks like she NEXTED EVERYONE...LOL!)


End file.
